I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
