you would pick up someone in the library
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
