it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
