new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
