I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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