I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
