i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
