He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
