I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Green mimosas i think yes
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
That accounts for only three of the penises
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
