every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
