Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Boobs speak an international language.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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