omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
