Small penises have feelings too.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
