Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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