My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
