I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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