she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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