I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
You need a sexual gate keeper
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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