dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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