dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
