have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
