If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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