Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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