This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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