capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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