when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
