I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
