I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
