I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
