you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
and she was petting her beer can
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
