the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
