Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
