Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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