smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
