Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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