I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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