did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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