We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
