So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
