Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
