five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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