i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
