i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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