just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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