i already hear my dad disowning me
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
where does the pee come out of this thing
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
