Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Four minutes until I can fart!
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
