You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
