i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
