OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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