Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
