Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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