we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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