God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
