That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
