so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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