No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
