I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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