U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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