Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
