You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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