She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
