there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
