He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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